Opening scrap

Hail and welcome, Earth reader! Why the look of confusion? Oh, that's right. You probably can't understand me. Here, just give me a minute. Now, hold still. There may be a flash of light and you may feel a small pinch. *  There, is that better? So, again, hail and welcome! I am NNY86.3 or just Nanny. What? What did I just do to you? Nothing much really. I downloaded a translator program into your organic on-board computer, or rather your brain. Don't worry; it's not a virus, not exactly anyway. I mean, technically, it is a virus: it changes your brainwaves to accept and translate whatever language is input through the video ports. That's a good thing, right!  But it only works with the known languages; step outside this universe and you'll have to upgrade to the paid version.

*(translation) Hail and welcome, Earth reader! Why the look of confusion? Oh, that's right. You probably can't understand me. Here, just give me a minute. Now, hold still. There may be a flash of light and you may feel a small pinch.